I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
