It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
