last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
