end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
