the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
