No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
