Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
