she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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