im six kinds of drunk right now
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
