so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
