Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Found your dick twin last night
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
