The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
