Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
