I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
