Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
