one two three fourrrrnication!
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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