The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
