Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
