I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
