ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
