It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
