I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
