What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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