She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
the condom got lost in my hair
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
