Umm I'm too high to move.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
