What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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