She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
