walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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