the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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