It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
