The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
