I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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