Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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