Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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