I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize
