i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
