Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
