God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
