You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
