He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
