He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
