I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
