It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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