and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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