Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Terrible idea I love it
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
