my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I wish they made helmets for livers.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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