spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
