Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Everclear isn't food dammit
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
