Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
