and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
