You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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