I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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