She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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