I just saw a hot homeless man
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
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