You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
