i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
