so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
