Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
